What husband withholds household goods and necessities? One that comes from abuse. These are tell tale signs of emotional abuse, ladies…I experienced it but had no idea what it was until I began to recognize the patterns. So many women are married to and are experiencing tyrant husbands (or partners) but since they aren’t physically beating them. They, like me, were ignorant, in not knowing, they are being emotionally abused.

At first, I was confused because other women said it was not abuse, they lied. It is emotional abuse from professional abusers. I was confused because I could not prove the tactics of abuse… But it’s little things, such as, not providing for the family (on purpose, when he has the means to) and then, making excuses for it…This is a way, emotionally abusive men, try to get their women, to be subservient. Control tactics from abusers that don’t leave any marks, get it? You must forgive but I’ll admit, it is easier, once you’ve healed. Grown people aren’t victims. We can always walk away, our children can’t..but I understand why a lot of people don’t just up and leave, so I won’t judge. We must educate ourselves. Forgive everyone..(you never know which role, you’ve played in a past life). When we know better, we do better.

Patterns -are the repeated dysfunctional things that prove the marriage is under the curse …

Both parties, are coming from emotionally & psychologically abusive homes and all parties don’t like women…everyone has unresolved Mommy issues because the Fathers were not active in their up bringing or well being ..or in their lives. Subsequently, the mothers are hated because they stayed with these men. I’ve found that oddly, even if the women left, most of their sons, in particular, blamed the women for leaving or being with these unstable men…their sons, are usually raised by the very women, their father, themselves abused. Now, they turn around and abuse them, passing on the curse to their children. Inherited, from these abused and abusive men.

Abusive men will and do abandon their families, for pleasure seeking. Most are usually too afraid to confront the truth, thereby passing on the same generational curse, that was passed to them, by their fathers and/or mothers. Notice a pattern?

Not one person that has suffered abuse…be it the mother, father or adult child, has the necessary tools to stop, the cycles of abuse. Especially, if no one will call it what it is….abuse. Now, do you get why these men are repeating the cycles? They are literally being taught in their household, that toxic behavior really isn’t abuse. Abuse is using your power or influence to take someone’s choice or free will from him or her. Read the article, “Cycles” click link here, https://triddykatsmeow.com/cycles

And, that’s likely because they were made to feel embarrassed and ashamed of the abuse they, themselves, have also suffered at the hands of an emotionally abusive parent(s). Who lied to them and said it wasn’t abuse? Likely both, the abuser and the abused parent. All of this lying has to stop, it’s messing us all up.

The abused mothers are now creating predator men, their very own sons, by not getting them any professional help…NOR, letting them express, their true feelings about the abuse, that they’ve suffered. A man that withholds emotional support or providing for his family, as a control tactic to keep OR try to make a woman (or his partner) subservient to him, is not emotionally equipped to run a loving household. Period. Be mindful, ignoring that red flag.

How could he…when he has no idea what one looks like?

These men, hunt like predators, for women that are highly ambitious. It’s usually so that they can hide and use them to look successful because they are broken. Another thing, a lot of these men are secretly jealous of successful women because of the damage that was done to them by their own mothers…it’s wild. This has to be addressed because it’s likely being done subconsciously.

The scariest thing, is the women, not knowingly, enter into an emotionally abusive cycle with these men…under the guise of marriage, etc. but it’s not truly a marriage, it is abuse…and, a lesson in Self love. It’s a curse handed to each generation…easily finding, damaged boys (appearing as men, husbands) too broken to know, they need help. Remember, they were told that it isn’t abuse? That lie hurts all of us. A lot of men really don’t know they’re wrong because they are being lied to…Most realize it, too late, after breaking down their family structure.

So, they grow up and repeat the toxic cycles, their own fathers placed their families in and they do it to unsuspecting women…over and over. Moving on, from one relationship to another, leaving a trail of carnage and chaos everywhere. Each time, blaming the women. When it should actually fall in the lap of the caregiver, that raised them because no one got any help. It only becomes his fault, when he does nothing about it, when he grows up. Read the article, “Move On” click link here, Move On

These men are too mentally ill to notice, that they take out their anger on the women, they were supposed to be healing with. That’s why they were attracted, to one another in the first place…it’s a trauma bond..Hand delivered by the Universe…instead, the men turn around and abuse women, that were basically selected to heal with them. Repeating, another cycle of toxicity. The curse because “No healing or awareness” is occurring in either, scattering our children all over the place. See, why our healing matters? We do ourselves and our children a disservice, when we don’t stress healing in all parties. It’s a must.

Believe it or not, I’ve found a lot of these men, to be very much predatorily, hunting women, mostly black women because we’ve been so conditioned, to stay with a man, no matter what.  

These men become apex predators in the hood because it’s a lot easier to hide there. While they are knowingly or unknowingly, looking for women and children to destroy, just as their fathers, have done to them and their mentally ill mothers. All parties require healing.

No one has gotten help,(so we all are mentally ill until we heal) it’s usually the elephant in the room, a big family secret, that’s not so secret. It’s openly hid in the family, ignored and sometimes, it’s at the mother’s request from her embarrassment. She should never feel embarrassed or ashamed about abuse but she must acknowledge the damage, hiding it causes everyone. No one can heal, from what we hide. We’ve got to stop all this fronting. Slang.

So the toxic cycle, repeats, over and over…women marry these dysfunctional, abusive men that are not capable of being in a loving household until they heal. They are drama-driven and disrupt the family order, out of mere boredom. Since no healing was done, we must forgive and view him with compassion but never excuse his toxic behavior. But he must heal. All must become accountable…especially, both parents.

He’s a mess and doesn’t even know it. And, he’s triggered by his woman. That’s because his soul needs to heal, so he hunts for her like a predator. But both, have not mustered the courage, to confront the damage done in their childhood. That’s where she comes in at, she is to be a part of his healing, if, both, he and she, can view her correctly. It will help him face himself and heal. I could go deeper but I will stop here…y’all get it. I went through all of this, so I’m not telling y’all what I’ve read somewhere, it’s based on what I’ve personally experienced. So I’m not trying to shame anyone. I lived through it to help others, recognize and see the toxic patterns and then, make a choice, to change lanes and try something different, with their families. We must stress Healing. That’s where it all starts..it will lead us to Source, helping us heal from it all.

My question, “When does it stop people?” All of this fronting is killing us, instead of celebrating lengthy marriages that may be toxic as hell. How about we look for and give props to those that are celebrating healthy love. Healthy, loving marriages, too. A few of my exes likely hate me for touching on this topic but if you know me, you know that I don’t give a damn. I’m not fronting to be in anyone’s relationship. Either, we fix it or we get the hell on. Period. That’s more slang. Our children need to see, true examples of self love. It starts with us. Read the article, “Self Love” click link here, Self Love

We’re to show all, what healthy love looks like. It sure could have spared me, having to try, to figure it all out by myself, through much trial and error. But I’m sure none of you, have gone through this, it’s just me. Smile.

*Dedicated to a very good friend, Martel Scott, whom I miss talking with dearly. These type of discussions can save a life, You never really know what people have gone through. Everyone f*cks up..a lot of people, really didn’t know any better. Forgive them. Doesn’t mean that y’all have to get back together but decide to forgive anyway, it will free all parties involved. Break the toxic patterns.

Keep shining.

~Triddy Kat💋

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TRIDDY KAT®