When a man secretly has s** with men but marries a woman to cover this up, his spouse is called “a beard” for obvious reasons. Women do this too but it’s easier accepted if it’s women. Never mind the fact that she’s also living a lie, using her husband as a beard. Before one judges either, look at your own life most people have beards. I thought on this one day, then, realized I did this…And, no, I’ve never had sex with a woman. Please stay with me here, pervs.Lol. BUT…I too, use to use people as my beard to cover up my truth.
I only liked thugs until facing my reality, I realized they were my beard, scapegoat or my cover…so I could do me in the relationship and then, blame them for messing it up later and say, “See, I tried but he did this, that and that.” Wow, talk about self-defeating, toxic behavior patterns. Smh. Read the article, “Patterns” click link here, Patterns
This was my thinking…If I got with the nice guy, I’d know deep down I’m not about to chill with him exclusively or long term but I never told him that. Instead, I’d lie. Never saying, “I like you but I can’t really get with you.” Never warning or explaining, “I ain’t for you, you’ll hate me later.” I stuck to my drug dealers and thugs because with their fast lifestyle, they were guaranteed to cheat, just as much as I did. I didn’t have to face any type of real accountability on any of my reckless behavior with them. Because they were reckless too. Perfect scapegoat.
At least, that’s how I thought. Heck, thugs are the ones that gave me the most hell for all the crap I use to do to them. I was forever creeping. Slang. I can’t even count how many times, I’ve cried my way out of drama whenever caught. Negroes be ready to put hands on you when you’re playing with their feelings & get caught up, sneaking and doing dirt. That’s more slang. I eventually, stopped playing with men’s feelings..(y’all are nuts, so was I back then) The street dudes weren’t so reasonable when their feelings were in it. Finally, I tapped out declaring this sh*t ain’t even worth it. It gets real ugly real fast dealing with men and their emotions. I grew tired of the games.
Hey, God protects babies & fools. Lord forgive me, I was turned out on the fast life. I’d become a fool. I was my own worse enemy and I had no clue. How is that even possible. What the hell?
I still love my thugs but now I try not to consciously “use” men (or anyone for that matter), then, turn around and blame them for messing up the relationship. I know darn well I selected him “subconsciously” so that I didn’t have to change my own self-sabotaging behavior. If I’m creeping on the low but I’m saying,“Men ain’t s***, this is why I creep.” That’s fake and it’s foul but it also is what always worked at the time. Smh. I was toxic.
All along, I had a fear of commitment. Truthfully, I didn’t even know how to act right…I just did whatever the hell I wanted & blamed the men and said, “Don’t mess with me then”...(my favorite cop out) but never addressing or even acknowledging, how my reckless behavior, was a big part of the problem, in my relationships. I entered relationships from a completely selfish low-vibrational space as, The Taker. What can you do for me? Never how can we compliment one another and work together to bring out the best in one another? I was just toxic as hell. A member of the Jezebel Clan. I apologize to all exes…I WAS WRONG. I’ve since healed…and I stay, on chill, now. Read the article, “Jezebel Clan” click link here, https://triddykatsmeow.com/jezebel-clan
I was insensitive and just plain selfish…Self-absorbed. One can’t be like that in relationships. It won’t last or work. It’s totally absurd but I wasn’t ready to hear none of that, back then. I would say, “Bump you, it’s got to be all about me.” I had no self -discipline whatsoever but I couldn’t see it..pretty crazy, huh? I’ll just take the “L” alone, cause I know all of y’all, don’t dare do mess like that. Ha, I’ll let y’all tell it. Slang. Wink.
I love learning and I’ve learned lots ..and, I’m still learning..but I utilize temperance, now. I’m blatantly honest and sharing my truth is freeing…a reminder to always, embrace and acknowledge my shadow side too. That’s the Fire (element) in me, wanting honesty, above and over all.. plus, It helps me, keep my ego, in check ..and Lord knows, I’ve got a big ego!
Hey, all I can say is…“When you know better, you do better!” Smile.
I said all of that to say, “What escape from reality, have we all purposely selected partners to hide or cover up our truths with?” Everyone does it aware of it or not. We’re human.
What’s really wild is we all knock. the man for using a woman as “his beard” but one must think more on what is in one’s own closet? Who or what is the beard? I guarantee most of us have had at least one “beard” in our lives…if we are truly honest with ourselves but what’s even scarier is…what if none of us recognize it yet? Basically none can judge another but we should work on being honest with ourselves and others. Always giving one another the option to choose to engage with us or not.
None are perfect but as long as you’re striving to be, “I f**ks with you!!” Slang.
Be encouraged, folks.
Life’s better than good!
*This was originally written and created by, “Triddy Kat” on August 25, 2017. Updated -1/20/23
Keep shining.
~Triddy Kat 💋
Youtube channel- Triddy Kat’s Meow & Triddy Kat
Visit me at https://triddykatsmeow.com and https://triddykat.com
TRIDDY KAT
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