When I was younger and didn’t know how to quite express myself feeling insecure in love…I’d test my boyfriend to see if he’d chase after me. That was my strange and insecure way, of knowing, that he loved me.
I’d get upset about whatever my boyfriend & I, were going through at the time…then, in the wee hours of the morning, I’d get dressed and leave out…it was just to see if he’d get up and chase after me. Crazy huh? Yet, it always reassured me.
Just like clock work, I could time him, waking up, out his sleep…once, he heard that door shut. He’d come out (in his draws, in the middle of Winter) like, “Trina, man come back inside, it’s late and freezing out here…Where are you going? Come back inside.”
Now, of course, I should’ve just expressed how I was feeling, but hey, I wasn’t bold enough to say what I was feeling yet…I was 17 years old back then, still too awkward to being that vulnerable, in love. Smile.
But what I did do, was gage to see if he’d chase behind me or say, “She’ll be alright, it’s too cold out there.” Strange as it seems, I needed to know, he’d chase after me…to make sure, I was ok. It was my reassurance, of knowing that he loved me.
Now, fast forward, many years later, when we were speaking about those early days…I brung up those crazy Winter nights, in our wild relationship. He got quiet & said, “Damn, I wish I would have been able to tell you back then how much I loved you. I always regretted that, not being able to express that to you.”
I stopped him mid sentence & said, “You never had to say that back then because I knew without a shadow of a doubt, what I meant to you.” I can’t explain y’all but I knew. He never made me guess on how he felt about me and all these years later, I still know. I never played with knowing that and still value having a man’s heart in that way. He never let anyone tell him anything bad about me, no matter what I did…and lord, did I do plenty. We were both toxic as hell, back in those days. Lol
But I knew I was his baby. I cherished him because of his love for me, it was solid. He is still the only person, I can show up to completely bare and have absolutely nothing to my name & know he got me…(slang). Now how about that? That’s Love. Don’t exploit that folks, that’s a treasure. Respect it. Never sleep on young love because it’s so raw and deep. I believe it’s untainted.
I told him, “It was the little things you did, that always told me, I had your heart completely…& that’s why I worshipped the ground you walked on back then. I needed to know that. You gave me that and I loved you because of it.”
So when folks say, “Don’t chase,” I don’t know if I can fully agree because in my case, it was different. I wanted him to chase. Hell, I needed that from him, it told me that I mattered to him. I’m grown now but I’m still funny acting towards a man that is too cool to show his love for me. Remember that “ego” can cost you, your true love, so be very careful with that.
Yeah, we were kids but we were very much in love. He knew what I needed and I will always appreciate that about him because he gave it to me. Me and my toxic ways. He was confident enough to bet on me and my love. How cool is that? He won my respect and adoration for life.
I, like so many women, still don’t mind that man that will chase behind me. Don’t be so cool, I have to guess, what’s in your heart…I don’t want a relationship that I’m stuck guessing in…If you love me, let me know. But chasing won’t do you any good, if only one person is in love. That’s staking. Don’t make a fool of yourself, if someone wants out of the relationship, please don’t chase. IJS
I wasn’t fully confident yet & I was still insecure but coming into my own…I desperately wanted that from him & I was so glad, that he gave that to me. It absolutely reassured me.
I said all of that to say, “Love the one, that isn’t afraid to let you know, they’re in love with you too & that they, don’t want to lose, that love either!
LOVE rocks.
Happy Love Month people…
“To be loved…oh, what a feeling to be loved! “
Life is better than Good! Enjoy it!
*This was originally, written and created by, TRIDDY KAT® on February 14, 2017. Updated 2/3/23
Titled: “Will I Chase You?” Created for Valentine’s Day.
Read the article, “Wifey Material” click link here, https://triddykatsmeow.com/wifey-material
Keep shining.
~Triddy Kat💋
Youtube channel- Triddy Kat’s Meow
Visit me at https://triddykatsmeow.com and https://triddykat.com
TRIDDY KAT®